Emotional turbulence

Hey what is up?

I have one more paper to go tomorrow then I am done with this semester. Honestly, this semester has taken one sharp turn and I did not see it coming at all. Maybe I was overestimating my level of patience and that it took just one event to trigger it all. After a few years of suppressing my dislike, it has been bottling up for quite sometimes that maybe I decided to burst and explode. And it cost relationship with a few good friends to end for good (i hope not).

Taking care of my mental health has been great but at the expense of severing ties with a few people. I don't know if I am ready to lose a few friends over that. Like is it worth it though? Idk. But my state of mind has been good. I unfollowed many accounts on my social medias especially the influencers. I muted my high school friends stories and posts just because I cannot tahan.

How bout you? Do you think it is ok to severe ties with a few people to take care of your mental health? I understand that some people just radiate negative vibes when you're around them. But I don't know if I want to end up being friend-less over years and grow old with absolutely no friends at all. My life at the moment has already felt pretty lifeless and meaningless, losing a few friends just because I want to be surrounded with positivity sounds like an exaggeration and I might blowing things out of proportion. Or what if I am that toxic friend that people have talked about all these while?

And this week has been rough. I had an emotional breakdown on the weekend. Literally crying and sobbing for a good one hour for no reason at all. At that moment I was scared with myself. How did I do that? Bursting out with overflowing tears with nothing to trigger me. But I guess it is the exam season that makes me feel really overwhelmed with my own personal expectations and goals.

Fingers crossed that I will end this semester with a bomb. Also, cannot wait to get back to painting florals and play with Aisya in my last semester break ever!


  1. I have this one friend that I think is not good for my mental health. and I love her. But at times, she's a pain in the neck and it's awfully damaging to me to just be there for her sometimes.

    But I'm still with her until now. Maybe I just grew accustomed to it. Like if one day she decided to get berserk all of a sudden, I just said to myself 'she's just emotional. This will pass.' and let it go. I don't let it eat me inside anymore.

    You have that choice to walk away or stay, mi. And no matter what your choice will be, pick the one that make you the happiest, and resonate with your core.

    My core is to always make others happy. And so I stay (for now).

    What's yours?

    1. Honestly, i don't know.

      Maybe because I believe our path will never crosses again in the future, therefore I choose to leave. Few years of knowing each other may not be enough for me to understand them well. Or maybe I was a pain in the ass to everyone else.

      So this may be the best for all of us. To make sure none of us is hurting.