12 October 2016

When will I ever move on?

Before SPM, my dream was to become a software engineer. I applied computer science for UPU, and I got the offer to do Diploma at UITM Jengka. Of course that didn't happened. Just a day before registration day at Jengka, I receive an offer to do A-level and if I pass, to UK I go. And that also didn't happened. The funniest thing is, I was offered to do arts courses. My aim at that time is to major in History. I freaking love History. Since there was not many people who are taking the major, plus it was sponsored, I was feeling overjoy la at that time. Little did I know it was the beginning of all my misery.

I believe in fate. Heck I 100% believe in Allah SWT is not setting me up with all these tribulations just to see me fail. There are only 2 things i believe. Whatever shit I am feeling, it's either He wants me to reflect on myself, to see things beyond the surface or this is a test to my faith. And the latter, subsequently, I feel like I am failing., For whatever reason, I am going to be forever be haunted by my own mistakes and choices I've made over the years. 

On a day where I feel like shit, I never failed to look back what I've done to myself. The fucking twist of all these are I ended up putting all the blame on me pulak. I repeatedly told myself, if I am not such a loser or a fucker masa A-level dulu, this won't have to happen. Especially after putting so much trouble to my parents as a result for being terminated by JPA. Hence, I am no longer being sponsored, and PTPTN is shit because I am only left with RM 350 for duit belanja. Fucking govt being ridiculous.

Masa sekolah dulu, I never did apply Accounting courses. Heck I am not even interested to major in accounting just because I was in accounting class. But look where fate and time brought me? I am currently pursuing it, and cannot believe I am doing fairly good at it. I never am good at numbers. But after a year, I learn that i need to overcome this fear. I hope I continue to thrive and proving to others who let me down that I deserve whatever things you take me away from. 

And I am being truly honest, what should I do in 3-4 years? Where will this path take me from here. Should I take professional papers? ACCA, ICAEW OR CIMA? 

Most importantly will I ever move on? 

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