Kepekatan kebebalan

Kadang-kadang kita lebih kecewa dengan diri sendiri atas keputusan yang sentiasa membuat kita menyesal di kemudian hari

Mereka mendewasakan kita, tapi kadang jika terlalu kerap, haruskah kita menyoal keberadaan logik akal akan rela kita menempuh jerih yang sama berulang kali

Seperti kau satu sosok yang sentiasa membuat aku gundah dan membawa minda ku berkelana ke sudut penyesalan

Benar, cinta itu membutakan
Membuatkan kita lelah hari demi hari semakin kasih itu berkelocak

Dan engkau, suatu sosok yang membodohkan
Aku ingin menjauh, sejauh-jauhnya

Tapi jatuh cinta itu tidak semestinya kita perlu menjadi bebal

Kemudian aku tanpa berfikir dua kali, berterusan jatuh ke dalam kebebalan

Makin dalam


P/S: A piece I wrote some time ago. Originally posted on theotheraimi.com

I am okay. Okay?

This weekend has been rough on me mentally. I was emotionally distressed for the last 2 weeks due to work. Something happened and I still couldn't shake my brain out of it. During those 5 days of work, my brain just not there and I was not focused at all. Workload has not decreased, in fact, I'm already working on my engagements for the peak period. It feels as if the off-peak does not exist. 

AND IM BURNING OUT AND EXTREMELY TIRED



Few other things happened and again, im crashing. I guess that Friday i was just really tired and so done with work, I went on Twitter and change my bio, profile, and everything. Few of my friends were worried that they texted me asking if I was really okay. 

It was quite hard to admit to people that I am sometimes not okay. Not that I am embarrassed to talk about it. It's just that when I got emotionally drained, it is not just over one thing. How do I explain to people about the petty stuff that I felt sad about. HOW TO MAKE PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THAT I AM ALSO DO NOT QUITE GET MYSELF?




U know this feels exactly how it was during A-level. Like constantly feeling like shit. Constantly thinking that you are bad at everything. So anxious that people hate you for who you are. Left you out in the group chat. Did not include you in plans. Did not invite you to weddings. Did not care that you are down or depressed. Did not bother to congratulate when you succeeded at achieving your milestones no matter how small. Unwavering beliefs that PEOPLE just do not care. 

Being busy help. Too busy, you burn out too soon. Too free, is dangerous. At least for me. 

But I am okay now. So please do not worry about me.