Emotional turbulence

Hey what is up?


I have one more paper to go tomorrow then I am done with this semester. Honestly, this semester has taken one sharp turn and I did not see it coming at all. Maybe I was overestimating my level of patience and that it took just one event to trigger it all. After a few years of suppressing my dislike, it has been bottling up for quite sometimes that maybe I decided to burst and explode. And it cost relationship with a few good friends to end for good (i hope not).

Taking care of my mental health has been great but at the expense of severing ties with a few people. I don't know if I am ready to lose a few friends over that. Like is it worth it though? Idk. But my state of mind has been good. I unfollowed many accounts on my social medias especially the influencers. I muted my high school friends stories and posts just because I cannot tahan.

How bout you? Do you think it is ok to severe ties with a few people to take care of your mental health? I understand that some people just radiate negative vibes when you're around them. But I don't know if I want to end up being friend-less over years and grow old with absolutely no friends at all. My life at the moment has already felt pretty lifeless and meaningless, losing a few friends just because I want to be surrounded with positivity sounds like an exaggeration and I might blowing things out of proportion. Or what if I am that toxic friend that people have talked about all these while?

And this week has been rough. I had an emotional breakdown on the weekend. Literally crying and sobbing for a good one hour for no reason at all. At that moment I was scared with myself. How did I do that? Bursting out with overflowing tears with nothing to trigger me. But I guess it is the exam season that makes me feel really overwhelmed with my own personal expectations and goals.

Fingers crossed that I will end this semester with a bomb. Also, cannot wait to get back to painting florals and play with Aisya in my last semester break ever!


Is this lingering feeling deserves extra attention?
Or should I let it swish away like an ocean wave?

I am not good at this.